


am i dreaming or breathing?

by violentyler



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Homelessness, M/M, Street rat!Ray, honestly idk what else to tag its just really cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 03:47:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17859674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violentyler/pseuds/violentyler
Summary: Ray Narvaez was not lucky.





	am i dreaming or breathing?

**Author's Note:**

> it's been a hot minute y'all. im honestly not entirely sure how i feel about this fic. 
> 
> inspired by dasher by gerard way (ft lydia night)

_ I really can’t tell if I’m dreaming or breathing.  _

 

~

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

Lucky was winning often in poker. Lucky was narrowly avoiding a serious accident by just a hair. Lucky was getting a good grade on a test you didn't study for. 

 

Ray Narvaez grew up on the streets of New York, fighting tooth and nail for everything he had. He busted his ass just to get through high school alive when nothing was given to him for free his whole life. New York was ruthless and harsh, just like the winters there, and Ray experienced it firsthand. He witnessed muggings, murders, gang wars and worse. People had tried to pull one over on him a hundred times, because he was a kid and he was small and he didn't have any friends on the streets to defend him. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

He waited years to save enough money to get out of New York. Since before he ever graduated high school, he was saving in hopes of never returning to New York. Ray fought for everything in his life, including his move to Austin. He wasn't really sure why he picked Austin, but the second he got there he knew it had been the right decision. People greeted him and smiled at him like he wasn't wearing ratty old clothes that hadn't been washed in forever and it was so warm and so different from New York. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

He'd moved, sure, but he was still on the streets. The group of homeless guys in downtown Austin were kind, they were each other's family and they helped Ray as much as they could. It took so many months, but Ray had a job interview. Using the last of his money to buy fresh clothes, he had walked into the gas station for that interview with squared shoulders and hard eyes. He spoke with far more confidence than he ever thought he'd have and he gave a firm handshake. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

Despite his new clothes and confidence and all, he didn't get that job. Or the next five he had interviews for. It took him almost two years after coming to Austin to get a minimum wage job at a stupidly overpriced coffee shop. He was just grateful they provided uniforms. Ray was back to working his ass off every damn day just to live. He spent every day serving snooty business men and stuck up teenagers that just didn't believe in tips. He hated it, the job, the people, the other employees. But he kept at it. Living like he did, he couldn't complain. It was a job. 

 

~

 

_ I never miss the sun when I’m with you. _

 

~

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

He finally,  _ finally _ , had enough for the first month's rent at a dingy little apartment a few blocks from the coffee shop. Not that it mattered, seeing as just days after he moved in, he was fired from the coffee shop. They said he wasn't friendly enough to be a barista, he just didn't have what it takes and he really just wasn't enough of a people person. Ray said it was bullshit and moved on. Since he finally had a roof over his head, it made things easier. People seemed more willing to hire someone that actually had a real address on their application. He got another job at a trashy little drugstore and managed to get two paychecks before they canned him. This time it was that he couldn't be trusted and they knew he'd been stealing money from the safe. Ray had no stolen money in his pockets and a clean conscience and told them to go fuck themselves. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

This time he had a job at a video game store, staying being the counter most of the day, but wandering out to mess with the demos they let customers play when it was slow. He always remembered his regulars here. There was a sweet old lady who always came in with her grandkids and always gave Ray a cookie when she saw him, a couple of teenagers who loved to talk games with Ray, and even though he didn't seem too interesting, a blonde guy with a southern accent who gave Ray the sweetest of smiles. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

He had no other explanation. He started noticing a new regular, some guy covered in tattoos who'd rarely buy anything, just people watch. He'd barely spoken to the guy but he seemed nice enough. One day, over a month after he'd started recognizing the guy with tattoos, Ray was stood at one of the machines showing a demo. It was painfully slow so Ray figured he'd have some fun with it. When he beat the level with the new high score, he gave a soft, satisfied sigh. He moved to go back behind the counter and froze, seeing the man with tattoos leaning against it. 

 

“Sorry, man, I didn't- didn't even realize you were here.” He gave a weak laugh. 

 

The man just gave a sly smile and left. 

 

It happened a few more times, the man walking in on him messing with the demos and not really mentioning it. Until weeks later, he came to Ray when it was busy, no time to mess around. The man leaned over the counter. 

 

“My name's Geoff. Want a job?”

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

~

 

_ I’m just waiting for the magic of the diamonds of the trees.  _

 

~

 

After finding out that Geoff essentially wanted him to just play video games on camera, among other things, Ray would've been a fool to say no. He quit his job and started working with Geoff less than a week later. 

 

It wasn't long before he worked with the whole group they had. At first, Ray was terrified, even came close to having a panic attack his first day with them all. The first thing he noticed about the group was they were like a family. They insulted each other and wrestled like brothers and Ray was terrified to impose on that. The second thing he noticed was the attractive blonde with the southern accent that came in to join in on their videos, the same guy he saw at the store. One constant was that he still gave Ray the sweetest smiles. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

Ray Narvaez was also a monumental idiot. It took him far too long to figure out why those smiles Ryan sent him made his chest warm or why when he turned in the middle of a video and saw Ryan looking at him, his stomach felt like it was doing flips. He never had time for crushes before, he didn’t pay attention to people or his sexuality because he was trying to just stay alive. He still didn’t realize with Ryan, not until he was at lunch with Gavin and the Brit asked if they’d banged yet. Ray insisted they hadn’t, that he didn’t even like Ryan like that. Upon leaving the office for the weekend that evening, Ray promptly freaked out. 

 

Spending most of the weekend in his dingy old bed, blankets pulled up to his nose, Ray tormented himself and let his anxious thoughts take over. God, he’d never even thought he might be gay, never really thought about that sort of thing in general. By Sunday though, he’d calmed down enough to rationalize with himself. He didn’t necessarily think he was outright gay, maybe somewhere in-between. When he returned on Monday, he had ten different people tell him he looked sick. To further prove how stupid he was to himself, he accidentally withdrew from Ryan without realizing. He stopped returning those smiles, stopped accepting rides to work from him, stop having lunch together. It made it easier to breath and he had no clue what it was doing to Ryan. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

It only took a week and a half for Ryan to call him out. Everyone was heading out to lunch, he’d planned on just sitting in the office to work on some editing and Ryan sent him a sideways glance that the Puerto Rican didn’t catch. Ryan cornered him in the office while everyone else was gone, demanding to know what he’d done wrong, how he’d managed to piss of Ray, what his deal with Ryan was. Ray was speechless for a good minute, suddenly realizing what he’d been doing to Ryan since he had his little sexuality crisis. Ray started to apologize profusely, insisting he hadn’t to come off that way and Ryan assured him he wasn’t angry, just worried about Ray. After that, things went back to normal. Only difference really, was that he had Ryan started going on a few dates. Just every now and then, go out to dinner one week, maybe have a movie marathon at Ryan’s the next. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky.  

 

Before moving to Austin, his life was hopeless. He would’ve been lucky to live past twenty-five without being mugged or needing to join a gang. But now, now he had a god damn  _ boyfriend _ , which he never thought he’d be able to say. He still lived in that dingy old apartment, with a trashy, second-hand bed and folding chairs and he still sometimes feared ending up on the street again. Now, he ahd Ryan. Sure, being with Ryan didn’t help his living situation, which was far better than living on the street but not as nice as Ryan’s place. Sure, he never let Ryan even know where he lived because he knew it was in the bad part of town and he couldn’t handle it if he got a pitying look from Ryan of all people. He barely spent any time at his apartment, spending most nights at Ryan’s, tucked against is warm chest every night. They cooked dinner together every night and watched movies curled up together on the couch and Ray swore he’d never been happier. Even when his depression took hold and he felt like an elephant was sat him and he couldn’t move, he just  _ couldn’t,  _ Ryan still sat beside him the whole, gently running fingers through Ray’s hair until that imaginary weight disappeared and he could breathe again. Even when he was too anxious to step foot outside Ryan’s apartment, the blonde assured him he didn’t have to, the world wasn’t going to end if he skipped out on work now and then. 

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

On their one year anniversary, Ryan asked Ray to officially move in with him. Just like when Geoff offered him a job, he would’ve been a fool to say no. Ryan finally saw Ray’s dingy apartment that smelled of spoilt food -- a smell that had been there since before he moved in and no amount of cleaning eradicate -- and for once, Ray was truly embarrassed. Ryan was appalled when he saw Ray’s bed, an old mattress on the floor, and promptly dragged it outside and threw it in a dumpster. Ray was mortified that Ryan was even in his apartment, a beautiful being like him didn’t belong in a place like that. He was unbelievably grateful to return to what was now  _ their _ apartment and put his things away. When they were done, Ryan just put on a movie and had Ray tucked under his arm on the couch. 

 

When he woke the next morning, next to his love in their home together, he gave Ryan a soft smile while the older man rested a hand on his cheek. 

 

“Tell me I’m dreaming.”

 

Ray Narvaez was not lucky. 

 

He was blessed. 

 

~

  
_I feel safe in your arms._

**Author's Note:**

> i appreciate any and all kudos and comments ( i actually thrive off of comments) and i hope y'all like this i guess
> 
> I have tumblr now and am taking requests! come yell at me so I’ll find the inspiration to post at violen-tyler.tumblr.com


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